Made Completely of Cheese

(For Ieuan)

There once was a boy who had the small notion
to build a big boat and sail the ocean.
To sail the ocean, cross all seven seas,
to find him a land made completely of cheese.

So he gathered up nails and timber and tar
and planned on the boat that would carry him far.
Sewed sheets seven sails; jumbo and jib,
mainsail and headsails and queen on the rig.

The galley was narrow with no charley noble,
the bunk but a bed, he forgot the fo’c’sle.
In his haste he had hurried to choose a good mast
but his worries would all soon be lost in the past.

He christened the keel and made ready to sail
from Glamorganshire rocks in rugged South Wales.
He painted the prow proudly “HMS Cheddar”,
and launched the fine schooner in inclement weather.

The Severn bore battled his boat to the channel
but he won the wet race dressed in fleece and fine flannel.
For seven more years he chased Edam and Brie,
but none did he find while he sailed on the sea.

Caerffili and Stilton and goat’s cheese he missed,
Easier to find him the Will o’ the Wisp.
The water grew scarcer, the crackers grew dry,
the butter all melted and the boy had to cry.

He sailed for years with not shower nor soap,
just a cargo of crackers and a heart full of hope.
A stout butter knife and a cheeseboard of maple
was all that he needed to set him a table.

‘Til one day he spotted, not far off to port,
an island of yellow, “’tis cheese” (so he thought).
He lowered the rowboat and filled it with crackers,
pointed to land and rowed like the clackers.

Closer he pulled through the surf and the sand,
straining his muscles to make it to land.
Beached on the shore, he ran up past the trees,
and found him, a land, made completely of cheese.

Now many have tried, all in vain, for to follow
the travels and trials of the plucky young boyo,
the boy bach who sailed him all seven seas,
and found him a land made completely of cheese.